Saturday, September 12, 2009

Waifs, Runts and Bean Poles

What I am about to say will undoubtedly cause an angry backlash. Understand this before you read on...

When I was in elementary school I used to weigh 65 pounds and was the smallest kid in the class. People didn't make fun of me for it though. I found that my size actually engendered a paternal or maternal instinct in others, who felt that they needed to protect me. Skinny guys don't catch that much flak though, most of the time. Skinny girls however, are the butt of many jokes. Skinny girls are made fun of constantly. Especially the tall ones.

In the schoolyard there are a lot of different reasons that kids get made fun of. It is not unusual, unfortunately as it may be, for bullying and emotional hurt to be thrust about - but skinny girls get more than their fair share of the abuse.

It has been a good fifteen years since I was last on a schoolyard in between classes. The playground is far behind me and my memories of it are fuzzy at best. But still, all around me, skinny girls are encountering the ire of others. This time though, the "reason" is different. Instead of their bodies being put down by their peers, they've become the target of something else. Their bodies, once derided, are now seen as "beautiful". They fill our magazines and our television sets - these amazingly perfect bodies, with no fat in sight and muscular curves throughout.

Something odd happens along the way, on the journey from adolescence to adulthood. These bodies that were once made fun of by so many, are apparently now the cause of much grief. Suddenly, these bodies in the magazines, are making people feel badly about themselves. There are cries that these bodies should be removed from those glossy pages, and be replaced with something more "real".

These bodies become something of a myth. "Those aren't real women," say some. "No one actually looks like that," say others.

But the reality is, that women that look like this - with perfect, slender bodies - do exist. They are real. They work hard for their bodies. They do things that others won't. They are not just 'lucky' and blessed. They eat healthily, they learn enough about their bodies to know how to keep them in the best shape possible, and they stay active well past their days on the schoolyard. It is not easy to be thin. Things are not, as one might say with a tinge of irony, all gravy and no bones.

To say that these women are not real, dehumanizes those body types that cause us to react so strongly. The body is the most personal, intimate thing in each of our lives. We can never get away from our bodies. They are always here with us. It is only natural for us to compare our bodies to other bodies, and this often leads us to feeling bad.

But it is not the fault of beautiful people that others don't like what they see in the mirror. Calling certain women "real women" depersonalizes and dehumanizes those few women that attain a body that others want. It places the blame for how we feel about ourselves on somebody else. It is the same as saying to that photo in the magazine, "It is YOUR FAULT that I don't like myself." The phrase 'unrealistic expectations' comes up a lot when talking about women with perfect bodies. But results like these are not impossible to attain, just very hard to get. It is a constant struggle.

It is true that some magazines airbrush their photos of women before printing them. To say however that no one looks that amazing all the time, is a lie. There are women that look like that walking down the street every day. Many of these women were not always thin. A lot of size zeroes, were once size fourteens. A lot of XS shirts hang in the closets of women who once only fit into an L.

By no means do I think that everyone should look like this. There is an obsession with the shapes of our bodies that haunts us from the cradle to our death beds. Eating disorders are a serious, tragic and far too common occurrence in both men and women these days. But to accuse the hard work of the truly fit for these kinds of evils is nonsense. And this really does matter, because until a person takes responsibility for how they feel without blaming it on others, it will always be difficult for them to feel any better.

I am using the words 'thin' and 'beautiful' interchangeably here, which some may object to. I don't think you have to be thin to be beautiful, but I do think that many thin women are indeed beautiful. I am using the words 'thin' and 'perfect' interchangeably as well. Does a body have to be thin to be perfect? No, not at all. But that is neither here nor there.

Slender women are real women. The extreme reactions these bodies cause, from lust right on through hate, are as childish as the hurtful words that were once hurled upon these women when they were girls. The energy spent on the debate over what kind of women should be photographed would be better spent trying to figure out why we don't feel happy in our own skin. It would be better spent figuring out why we all want our bodies to be different. It would be better spent trying to realize that you can never love your body while spending so much time focusing distaste on the the bodies of others.

So much hatin' goin' on out there in the world!

Well shucks people, can't we all just get along?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Plattsburgh, NY

Just returned from NYC, it was a wonderful trip where we stayed with the most delightful friend of ours. It was my second time and I have to say, people from New York are the friendliest people I have ever met. Really. Lewis Black was just up here in Montreal to do a Just for Laughs festival gala (so funny) and joked about how nice we Canadians are, but...

So we had just crossed the border on a lovely afternoon into northern New York and wanted to take a pitstop. The first city-ish place you come across on the I-87 down to NYC is Plattsburgh - it was the place that shares its PBS station with the Montreal area, so we'd heard of it before. After about five minutes, we finally find a little shop that has everything in it, from red bull to fresh pizza. As my girlfriend and I enter, we see a long line up of guys - construction worker types - waiting to pay for their items. "Okay, here we go..." we both think, used to this kind of situation ending up with the whole store leering at her (she's a stunning girl, I have to say) and everything getting very uncomfortable.

We enter without looking at anybody and head over to refriderator where the drinks were kept cold. We stand there, admiring the much larger selection of custom drinks - something you don't get anywhere else - when a guy comes up and stands beside us... and as we get quiet, he just keeps standing there...

Until after about twenty to thirty seconds, when he very bashfully says 'excuse me'... reaches into the fridge, and picks out his drink... then heads over to the counter.

He was literally waiting for us to make our selection, before he crossed in front of us!

Then, two others, who just wanted past us, began standing there as well... no one would cross in front of us, until we'd made a selection! I had never seen such politeness in my entire life. It was literally flabbergasting. We entered the store thinking the worst, and left amazed at the kind spirits inside. All in about two-three minutes. I've lived in Western Canada, I've lived in Eastern Canada, and I have never even seen this kind of nicety! We talked about it nearly the entire way into Albany.

I wonder what Black would say about Plattsburgh... I'd love to hear it. That guy is hilarious. Someone should give him a lollipop.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Fireworks

We went to the International Fireworks Festival last night at the La Ronde theme park, where you can buy tickets to sit right along the water's edge and have the display go off just a few hundred feet in front of you. We try to go at least four or five times every summer.

Last night however was one of the best experiences I have ever had. Hong Kong was the country competing, and the few thousand of us that had already bought our tickets were sitting through torrential rain - we were soaked in a matter of seconds. But wow, what a show.

Not only did they put on the best performance of the competition so far, but huge cracks of lightning kept ripping across the sky. First it was just off to the side of the magnificent painting of light the fireworks were inscribing upon the sky in front of us - then, the lightning literally started crackling across the sky directly behind the fireworks. The combination of dancing lightning and the exploding lights were incredible - like God took up the paint brush and just started flicking it at the world below.

The picture of lightning streaking through the fifteen huge red and gold fireworks exploding all at once, during a show the creators had claimed was inspired by the four elements, will be forever etched into my memory. Man vs. Nature. Amazing.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Wacky Bravery

RIP Michael Jackson jokes.

Like with every other major celebrity we chide incessantly, apparently this isn't funny anymore. Millions of people around the world will spend today looking back at the masterful music videos he created, which launched almost everything we know about music today. Many will try and forget that they spent the past few years of his career making nothing but jokes about him. Others will try to forget that they made fun of his incurable conditions. Most will try to forget that they refused to let a man, proven innocent in court, live down the false accusations against him.

His art will outlast these cruelties, but unfortunately the same cannot be said for he himself.

I met a woman in a coffee shop last summer that spent a good hour talking about Michael Jackson to me, that was probably the extent of what I ever really talked about him before today. She, in a bit of a paranoid moment, insisted that the US government made Jackson crazy on purpose after 1985 so that he could not become President one day. That, was insane. What isn't insane, is that little by little, we the public contribute to the sadness and loneliness of the figures which - according to our overall reaction today as a society - make us very happy. Either we chide those who just 'seem to be asking for it', or we say nothing when those around us do.

I have laughed at my fair share of Jackson jokes, so I'm no better - at least I think I have, as none were very memorable. Maybe I haven't, but I could have seen myself doing so. I never really listened to his music, so I don't really have that childhood connection to him. But he made a big impact on me, when he was able to sit through all those trials, accused of something he did not do, and remain quiet and polite. To me, he was wacky brave. Braver than most, including myself, who sometimes shrink behind our lesser natures when exposed to something or someone that makes us feel uncomfortable, that seems strange to us, or that gives us an outlet for our own issues.

Let there be less bullies in heaven than you found here on earth, Mr. Jackson.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

STOP LYING: Canadian Health Care DOESN'T Suck

I love Canadian health care. It is fantastic. Most nations accept that public defenders, judges and government attorneys/prosecutors are a good thing - that everyone should have a professional to care for their political/social self - and I believe the same philosophy applies to public doctors - that everyone should have top notch professionals to care for their physical selves. In my opinion, public courts with private health care is akin to admitting that social health is a "right", but physical health is not. That, to me, is ridiculous.

The above idea is my philosophy on health care. The ideas below are my politics:

Just a brief note to anyone who needs to hear it: Canadian health care does not suck. Personally, I have no horse in the race for fixing American health care. If the American people want private health care, then it doesn't affect me in anyway. I have Canadian health care - it's free and it keeps my nation extremely healthy.

What bothers me however, are the lies being spread about how Canadians in general feel about health care. Well, all I can do is give one Canadian's personal experiences with health care...

If I get sick, I have a few options. I can go to any of the medical centers located within easy traveling distance (often walking distance) of my home and see a doctor within an hour or so - usually less. If I am really sick, I can go to the emergency room - one of the six emergency rooms located within twenty minutes of my house in Montreal. When I lived in the suburbs of Edmonton, Alberta, I had about the same number of emergency rooms within a twenty minute drive of my home. The wait time at the regular doctor in Alberta was even less. Emergency room wait times, in my experience are usually less than a few hours. On a busy night, or at a particularly busy hospital, these go up to about six hours - but that's rare. In any case, basic medical centers with regular doctors were open until late into the night, so one rarely went to the emergency room.

I don't fill out insurance forms, I just show my health care card. If I've never been to a particular place before, I fill out a medical history, but that's it. My health care covers 80% of all drug costs. As an Alberta resident still, I pay absolutely nothing - no premiums, nothing - for basic health care. Blue cross there, which covers dental, optical and drugs - costs a bit, but as a university student I am covered under the plan my college has.

If I want a second opinion, I just go to see another doctor. In Quebec things are a bit different, as I have to pay 60 dollars each time I see a doctor up front, which gets sent back to me through the mail by the Alberta government. Still though, no insurance forms. The doctors are professional, efficient, and get things right as much as possible. I love my health care in Canada, as much as the Rocky Mountains, Montreal nightlife, or my career. Perhaps not more than my girlfriend though - though she is also Canadian, so whatever.

Nevertheless, any complaints about Canadian health care should be taken within the context of wanting improvements to the current system, not a desire for a different one. Governments here have been thrown out of office, or nearly so, at the mere mention of privatization. Except in Alberta, my home province, where a small amount of privatization has occurred - and where the government just announced that it was getting rid of any kind of premium at all (the first province in Canada to do so). People only go to the private doctor if they want a test done sooner rather than later, which they very rarely do.

I take offense to any mischaracterizations of the Canadian health care system and how the general population feels about it. I feel it is a matter of patriotism to dismiss such a besmirching of our reputation. Americans have their Right to bear arms, we have our Right to health care - both are matters each country should hold dear. American supporters of private health care can battle with supporters of public health care in their country as much as they want to within their own country - but STOP bringing us into it unless you characterize things more honestly!!!

And no, I am not saying "please".

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Hockey Night in Can#$%

"Fucking rights!"

"Fucking A!"

These were the eternal words uttered aloud as several of the Pittsburgh Penguins lifted grand old Lord Stanley above their heads in celebration of their championship season. After winning a Game 7 match against a team that has been heralded as the dynasty of our generation, these young men were more than pleased with themselves. They were fucking overjoyed, damn it.

The words were broadcast live, unedited, on CBC's Hockey Night in Canada. There were no apologies, there were no words of condemnation from the broadcasters - there was no public outcry in the morning papers the following day. I was immediately interested to see what NBC was doing in the face of this obstacle - foul language coming from a team named after a popular, stuffed children's toy. But the US station was not filming each player as they took up the 'greatest championship trophy in all of sports'. They were running interviews, one on one, with each player after each player had handed it to their next colleague.

But try as they might, the US stations could not capture the same pure emotion and joy from the players as the old CBC did by just showing each player take the trophy for the first (or but second, or but third) time in their lives. It was like if NBC had cut away from Michael Phelps the very moment he touched the wall for another gold medal, or from the baseball diamond the second the final pitch had been thrown out during the final game of the World Series. In other sports, the celebration occurs immediately following the victory itself, while in the NHL, the real celebration does not begin until the player can place his fingerprints on the luster of the Cup.

In hockey, there is no censorship. In hockey, people curse. In hockey, people fight. In hockey, no one cares who's listening. In a time where the Super Bowl can end with more people talking about a momentary 'wardrobe malfunction' than the actual score of the game, or who won the darn thing, it is refreshing to see something real. It is nice to be able to love the moment without having to deal with the word police.

It has been a week in sports that may outshine any other week this decade. Federer finally won at Roland Garros, to complete his career grand slam. Tiger Woods finally racked up a significant win this season at Jack Nicklaus' Memorial Tournament. Kobe Bryant is having a career series against the Magic. And the Penguins, with their roster of young guns and the sage Lemieux watching from high up in the owner's box, were able to fill the Stanley Cup with the dozens of bottles of Veuve Clicquot awaiting them in the locker room.

Sport is both a virtue and a vice. Children learn team skills and how to make friends, how to win and how to lose, playing sports. Then, some of those children grow up to destroy their lives betting on the same games they loved so much as a kid. Sports can make a grown man weep. They can also induce thousands of people to riot. This twin nature of sport, is an essential part of why we love our games so much. The words of our heroes, however crude, are still the words of our heroes.

The majority of television played on TV sets in Canada, is American television. Most sports broadcast in Canada are merely rebroadcasting a US network feed. Most of our television shows, are made and broadcast in America, only then rebroadcast to the rest of the world. Yet the American stations can rarely capture something the same way the CBC did last night, because censorship reigns in America.

It makes me wonder how much we are missing, when the nation that controls much of the news, sports and programming beamed into our homes is one that cuts away from impassioned moments out of fear that someone may become offended. A nation that will publicize the trash website of James von Brunn for days, but cannot bring itself to capture the true reactions of heroic men doing heroic things.

George Carlin once said that without street language, the emphatic nature of any situation will be lost - making things less compelling. And who the fuck wants to live in a less compelling world? Champange and curse words belong together sometimes. Just as much as television, and real life, often don't. There is a bit of a lie in every space a curseword is removed. Not that TV would ever lie to us... just saying.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Democratic Erratic

A sticky note has sat on my desk for nearly a full year, which reads "Is Democracy a Metanarrative?" What I am asking myself is this: is democracy nothing but a way in which we are trying to force together the many facets of our society that don't really belong together?

What does it matter?

I ask this question in a time where politics have lost their meaning. The only goal of any good politician is to win. What follows that day of victory, comes a plan for keeping power and shaping the nation in the image of the victor's best thoughts and ideas about what needs changing. The best solutions to contemporary problems, however, are not sought out. The actions of people in power never match the rhetoric of their stump speeches. At the end of the day, elections simply present the public with a new set of elite minds that are given free reign over the very fabric of society.

No One IS Listening

A 'metannarative' is the overarching structure of basic traits and fundamentals which bind a field of ideas together. A simple example can be found in the field of biology - where all things in the world that are living are studied together - or, in literature - where all things that are written down by people, are grouped together for study. No matter how different those living creatures, or written documents, might be, they are considered a part of the same study group. Yet the common cold virus and a blue whale have almost nothing in common. Virology and Marine Biology however, are still grouped together under the general term "biology". Biology has certain rules - evolution, entropy, etc - that are accepted as common to all things within its field of ideas. But what are the rules of "democracy"?

Pointlessness.

We vote for our leaders on paper ballots. Yet for as long as men and women have lived together under the guise of civilization, no leader has been able to succeed without the support of those around them. The Queen of England is only Queen so long as people accept it - the streets of London have many other residents that claim, with total self-confidence, that they themselves are the real Queen of England. The only difference between the mad man in the alleyway and the Queen herself, is that we have decided to grant the Queen her position; we have not dethroned her.

Nothing Will Change.

So we now vote with paper ballots, rather than with violence and due to discontent. What then is democracy? Could it be that democracy is nothing more than this? Nothing more than 'peaceful transitions' between heads of state? If the worst thing a politician can except for creating ill-constructed policy is to be rushed off to the global speaking circuit and handed a book deal instead of continuing on in their position for a few more years, then what is it that keeps those leaders in line? Why are we so confident in the trustworthiness of our governments?

I trust my Government. Completely.

We trust our government, because trust is the metanarrative. Democracy, is trust. You have to be able to trust the people around you. And trust, comes from security. It comes from the belief that the people around you will not hurt you. When people complain about their politicians, they are rarely more adamant than when they are fearful that their government is hurting them. People don't just claim 'my government is doing a bad job', they claim that the government is doing something harmful. People think their government, is going to kill them.

Fearfulness is a long word.

The only real threat to democracy then, if democracy is nothing more than a feeling of trust and some legistlation built around the assumption that such will not be wavering anytime soon, would be danger. And that is why I no longer speed.

The only way to succeed in this world is to help limit the danger out there for others. So when I am behind the wheel, I have learned to become patient and curteous. The open road is one of the only places, other than the polling station, where you come face to face with all the others out there that you have decided to trust. You have decided to trust their values and their intelligence at the ballot box, their competence with a spatchela behind the fastfood grill, and to trust in the idea that we were raised fairly well by the world out there to become adequately well-adjusted people.

So the next time someone cuts you off in traffic, and you have the opportunity to pull up beside them later on down the road, at a red light... Roll down your window and simple state aloud, "You are a threat to the very fabric from which this great nation has been woven!!!" Because, well, someone's gotta do it. Might as well be you.